Ronan flopped down on the enormous bed with a sigh.
“Still glad you decided to come along?”
“Yes. It was important for me to be there, and I would do the same again in a heartbeat, even though my arms hurt like hell, and I feel like shite.”
“Anything I can do?”
“Not really. Give me some Ibuprofen and help me change my clothes, and tell me what in hell I can do to support my arms when I’ve got to be up and about all day.”
“Didn’t the sling help?”
“For my left arm, yes, but that was one arm and one sling. I was pretty damned uncomfortable with my right arm just hanging.”
“I know. Remember, I tried to find you something when you first came home, but it seems there’s no such thing as a dual arm sling.”
“There should be,” he grumbled.
“I think breaking both arms at the same time is pretty rare.”
“Well, so I’m that unique! Lucky me!” he said sarcastically.
I put my hands under his shoulders. “Come on, Ronan. Sit up, and I’ll get you back into your t-shirt and jeans.”
He groaned when I manipulated his arms to remove the pullover.
“Sorry. Did I hurt you?”
“A little. Couldn’t be helped. Go ahead with the rest of it.”
Soon he was back in his comfortable clothes, lying on the bed with his arms resting on pillows.
I stretched out beside him and stroked his hair.
He turned his head towards me and smiled.
“Are you feeling a little better now?”
“Yeah.”
“No headache?”
“A little one, but I don’t think it’ll get a firm hold this time, since I took the pills before it got to its worst.”
“Good.”
He rolled his head back and forth a few times. “I’ve a bit of a crick in my neck,” he explained, then settled himself and closed his eyes. “So, you and Hal’s sister appeared to be having an interesting conversation, and I got the distinct impression that it wasn’t about Hal. Was she upset about you bringing me?”
“Not at all.”
“But you were talking about me.”
“That was kind of inevitable, don’t you think?”
“I guess. Must have been a bit of a shock, when we first walked into the funeral home.”
“Not a shock, but certainly a surprise, and it was rather impossible for you to fade discreetly into the background.”
He laughed, remembering. “I thought that auld fella was going to have a heart attack when we came out of the men’s restroom together.”
“You were a sight, yourself, Ronan. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone blush that color before. You went past red and into purple.”
“I’ve always been like that. It all comes of being fair-skinned and too shy for my own good.”
I giggled. “Y’know, I’ve got to tell you, and I hope it won’t upset you, but—”
“What?” he asked, turning his head towards me again.
“When I was talking to Lynne—d’you know, she’s absolutely convinced that you and I are about to get married!”
Ronan’s brow furrowed slightly as his smile faded and his expression grew serious. “Would that be so far out of the realm of possibility, Sarah?”
“I don’t know. I just hadn’t thought about it. We haven’t ever discussed it, and—well, you’ve never asked me.”
“Believe it or not, I was about to broach the subject when the phone rang the other night.”
“Oh, go on! Don’t mess with my head like that!”
“I am not messing with your head,” he said, sounding mildly offended. “I did want to ask you that night, but after the call came through I thought it would be in rather poor taste. I thought I’d wait until my arms were better, so I could actually put a ring on your finger and not just be handing you a little velvet box.”
I sat up and stared at him, and the look on his face confirmed what his tone of voice had already told me. “Good God, you really are serious!” I blurted out, needing to say something, but unable to find the right words when he’d caught me so far off-guard.
“Aye,” he affirmed, then scrambled up from the bed awkwardly and walked around the foot of it to stand in front of me. Eyes locked on mine, he attempted to get down on his knee, but lost his balance in the process and fell. “Shite,” he muttered, and rolled on to his back. “None of this is going the way I imagined it might.”
“Ro, are you hurt?”
“Och, ’tis nought but a fractured dignity. I expect I’ll live. Could you help me up, please?”
“Of course.” I raised him to his feet, and we sat down side by side on the edge of the bed. “You’re sure you didn’t hurt yourself?”
“Aye,” he answered, and leaned against me.
I put my arm around him and nuzzled his cheek. “Well, I must say, this has got to be one of the most unique proposals a woman’s ever had.”
His face flushed crimson. “Fuck sake,” he grumbled. “I haven’t even got a ring for you. Can we do this whole bit again when I have the use of my arms and something pretty to put on your finger?”
“With or without the tumble to the floor?”
“Och, you’re an awful one, aren’t you?”
“And you love it. Admit it!” I pushed him back on the bed, straddled him, and started tickling.
“Och!” he gasped, laughing. “Cut it out! Not fair when—I can’t—fight back!”
I squiggled my fingers under his arms a few more times for good measure, then flung myself on top of him and brought my lips to his. He was still laughing when his tongue traced my lip and slid into my mouth.
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” I asked, when we finally came up for air.
“Yes, a bit. My ribs aren’t quite right yet.”
“Are you O.K.?”
“I think so. I doubt that a little tickling could do any real damage. I just got a pain in my side from laughing.”
“I’m sorry, Ro. I keep forgetting about your ribs.”
“No harm done, though if I’m still sore by the time we get home tomorrow, I think I’ll have you tape them again, to remind me to be careful for a few days.” He relaxed and smiled up at me. “In the meantime, this is a rather compromising position. I expect you could have your way with me, and I’d not be able to do a thing to prevent it.”
He had risen beneath me, and as I pressed myself against him, I felt him growing harder still.
“I’ll be goin’ off like a skyrocket before you get down to business, if you keep on doin’ that sexy thing you’re doin’.”
“Oh, we can’t have that!” I got up, unbuckled his belt, slid his jeans and undershorts down, and straddled him again. I had put on a t-shirt after helping him to change, but that was all. I was bare when I pressed against him, and he groaned softly, with pleasure, as I kissed him deeply and slipped him in between my legs. At first I lay still, simply enjoying the sensation of having him harbored within. Then I shifted my hips slightly and tightened my sex around his, and heard him sigh contentedly.
“Och, a chuisle, get on with it,” he murmured.
“When I’m ready,” I replied, tracing circles around his nipples with my fingers as I kissed him, and feeling them harden to points through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. Then I broke away and sat up straight, setting my rhythms and watching his face as so many expressions crossed it: wonder, delight, and at the last, pure ecstasy that looked as if it bordered on pain. Much as I longed to make it last, I couldn’t hold back, and pushed myself against him harder and faster, and his hips rose to meet me with a powerful thrust, and he let out a full-throated, bluesy yowl as he shot into me. The sound sent a chill up my spine and a vibrant shock through the center of my being, and my sex gripped his until there was nothing left to grip. Then I collapsed on top of him and we laughed.
“Och, Jaysus, that was poetry, a chuisle. Pure poetry, and sometimes I’m not sure that my being helpless and at your mercy is such a bad thing.”
“It’ll get old after awhile.”
“In most scenarios it already has, but not when we’re making love. Pity we can’t go on like that all day.” He stretched as much as his arms allowed, smiling contentedly. “You’ve never been quite that vigorous with me before. I rather enjoyed it.”
“I couldn’t tell.”
He chuckled. “So, tell me: would you prefer a more formal proposal, with a ring and flowers and me down on my knee in some posh restaurant, or shall I just go ahead and ask you now?”
I considered it. Romance, candlelight, a gourmet meal, and Ronan looking elegant in a suit and tie sounded wonderful, but…
Ronan on his back, grinning up at me, his jeans down at his ankles, was far more endearing.
“Ask me now,” I said. “The ring and the posh restaurant don’t matter.”
“Really?”
“Really."
“Funny,” he mused, his brow furrowing slightly, “but I honestly thought it would be you who’d want the formality and the perfect setting.”
“That would be nice,” I agreed, “but we’re more ourselves like this, aren’t we? No one’s on the spot, feeling awkward.”
“Now, I wouldn’t say that, Sarah. Here I am, flat on my back, with my trousers down at my ankles and my bod on display, and I can’t change any of that without your help.”
“Then let me—”
“Yes, in a bit, but will you hear me out first?”
“All right. Go on.”
“I’ d feel a lot less awkward if I was decently clothed and groomed, and had the use of my arms. What good is it if I can’t embrace you properly, and hold your hands, and slip a ring on your finger?”
“A proposal is a proposal, Ro. If there’s the desire and the intent, what does the rest of it matter?”
“I want my dignity,” he said stubbornly, “and you would, too, if you were in my place. You understand, don’t you?”
“Yes, but—”
“But you still want me to ask you. Very well. I’ll do it now if you insist, but let’s call it a dress rehearsal, shall we? And I promise we’ll have another go at it, in a much more memorable way, when the time is right.”
“I still say it’s pretty memorable as we are now, but if it would make you happier—”
“It would, and I should have said dignified instead of memorable. But still—even though the circumstances seem damned strange to me—” He paused, gazing deeply into my eyes. “I really do love you, Sarah. Not a day goes by when I don’t think of how thankful I am for your presence in my life, and I can’t begin to imagine ever being apart from you, so—will you have me, a chuisle? Will you be my wife?”
His expression was so earnest and hopeful and sweet, my heart all but melted, yet when I opened my mouth to reply, the answer that came forth was not the one either of us had expected. “I would love to, Ronan.”
To anyone else, his face would still have looked exactly the same as he accepted an answer that was really no answer at all, but I knew him too well. The wistful smile and sudden glimmer in his eyes, and the way he blinked several times to make that glimmer go away told me everything I needed to know. He understood my response all too well, and was deeply hurt by it.
Finally, after a few silent moments that seemed to last forever, he spoke, his voice soft and close to breaking. “Well, perhaps our timing’s a bit off, considering all we’ve been through in the last few days. Maybe it’s best to let it be for now.”
“Ronan, I—”
“’S all right.” He shifted restlessly beneath me. “Set me to rights, would you?”
I adjusted his clothing, rearranged his pillows and helped him move back to the center of the bed, then rested my hand on his cheek and bent to kiss him.
He pulled away and rolled over on his side, drawing his legs up, and turned his back to me.
I felt dangerously close to tears. “Ro, don’t be like that,” I pleaded.
“I’m not being like anything but tired, Sarah,” he said, in a tight voice. “Tired, and my arms hurt. Leave me alone, and let me sleep it off.”
I touched his shoulder lightly, but he shrugged away from my hand.
“I told you I needed to sleep, and I meant it,” he said, sounding edgy. “Now, leave me be.”
“All right, Ro. Do you want a blanket?”
“Please.”
There was a folded comforter draped over the foot of the bed. I shook it out and let it fall over him, then tucked it in around him. “How’s that?” I asked, hoping to force a response.
“Fine, thank you.” His voice sounded cold, brittle.
“Do you need anything else?”
“Peace and quiet and rest.” He shifted a bit beneath the blanket, then lay still. “Why don’t you go out for a walk, or take a bath, or something?”
“All right.” A bath sounded good, and I knew I could stand to soak for at least an hour. Ronan would probably be sound asleep by the time I was done and at that point not even my climbing into bed beside him would waken him.
I went into the bathroom and took my time preparing my refuge. The hotel had provided a little bottle of bath gel that smelled pleasantly of lavender and made a mountain of bubbles. Sinking into the sweet-scented warmth relaxed my body, but my mind still whirled around unchecked. There was no doubt whatsoever that I owed Ronan an apology, but no matter how heartfelt, would he believe it, and accept it? Would he agree to continue our relationship? Or had I just demolished the best thing that had happened to me in years?
Completely unbidden, I heard a familiar voice speaking to me.
‘Nothing’s unsalvageable, love. Turn the page and start a new story. No use staying stuck or turning back. Carpe diem. Move on. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.’
My eyes flew open. “Hal?”
But I was alone, and the only sound I could hear was Ronan snoring in the bedroom.
So, he had managed to fall asleep. Good. If he could stay asleep until morning, he might awaken with a fresh perspective, and we could begin making peace with one another.
I settled back into the bubbles and closed my eyes again, and tried to stay focused on positive things. Just when I thought I was safely there, with a plan and a back-up in place, doubt and reproach crept in again.
Oh, what had I been thinking?
Why had I pressured Ronan into offering a proposal he was reluctant to make?
I should have known that it was too soon for me to make a decision.
Maybe I had known, but didn’t want to admit it.
Maybe I wanted to know, once and for all, just how serious his intentions were.
There were no simple answers; that much was clear. I could only hope that a new day would find him willing to talk things out, so he might eventually find a way to forgive me, and we could turn the page and start the next chapter together.
